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One Liners
1. Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, not the one in front of you.
2. More people are run down by gossip than by automobiles.
3. There is always free cheese in a mouse trap.
4. Many people who go on diets find they are poor losers.
5. A vacation should be just long enough for your boss to miss you but not long enough for your boss to discover she/he can get along without you.
6. Did you know that the longest word you can type using only the top row on the keyboard is T-Y-P-E-W-R-I-T-E-R.
7. Did you ever notice that a dentist will ask you if it hurts only when you can"t answer.
8. Unforgiveness will make you BITTER...
Forgiveness will make you BETTER.
9. If the opposite of PRO is CON and progress means to move forward what does Congress mean.
10. The secret to happiness is to grow up without growing old.
11.. Swallowing angry words is much easier than having to eat them.
12. Did you know tha LOLLIPOP is the largest word you can type using only your right hand.
13. Definition of Sober. "a condition in which it is nearly impossible to fall in love".
14. Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won"t bother you for weeks.
15. Money may talk but it"s sure hard of hearing when I call it.
16. If you actually look like your passort photo then you really do need a vacation.
17. Did you know that every person has a unique tonque print.
18. Did you know that Charlie Chaplin once won 3rd prize in a Charlie Chaplin look a like contest.
19. Did you know that chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
20. Corduroy pillows...they are making headlines.
21. Always borrow $$$ from a Pessimists,they don"t expect it back.
22. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
23. There"s too much blood in my caffeine system.
24. Lord, give me patience, and give it to me NOW!
25. There are 3 kinds of people, those who can count and those who can"t.
26. Wear short sleeves...support your right to bare arms.
27. There are 3 signs of memory loss, wish i could remember what they are.
28. Always try to be modest and be proud of it.
29. Ever stop to think and then forget to start again.
30. I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out...
31. I plan to be spontaneous.....tomorrow.
32. Did you know that 79% of statistics are made up?
33. Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humor.
34. What happens when you get scared half to death twice.
35. Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.
36. If everything is coming your way then you"re in the wrong lane.
37. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
38. Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
39. Support bacteria...they"re the only culture some people have.
40. He who angers you...controls you.
41. Some minds are like concrete...thoroughly mixed up & permanently set.
42. The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
43. Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
44. Be yourself. An original is always worth more than a copy.
45. Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional.
46. I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.
47. How can i go on a diet? The refrigerator is still full.
48. Whether you want to be thick or thin is a matter of taste.
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